I'm sick of being creative!

Between May 14th and September 3rd, Dan and I have 6 weddings to attend. I LOVE weddings, but when it comes to buying gifts, I'm sick of being creative.

The first two weddings lucked out. They got actual gifts from their registry. They were even gift-wrapped by the great people at Marshall Fields.

I went shopping today for the remaining four weddings. I figured I'd just get it over with. :) Well, it's hard to get it over with when people are registered for freaking EXPENSIVE stuff! For instance, one couple's place settings are $99 a piece. And they want 12 of them. That's $1200 just for their dinnerware. You feel silly getting something off of a registry like this. Basically because all I could really afford would be a toothpick holder. Honestly, the prices of MOST of the items on this particular list are in the triple digits. Scary. (Don't worry, I'm confident this couple will never come across my blog).

The next dilemma is when you are invited to a wedding that you weren't expecting to be invited to. You don't know them very well, they weren't invited to your wedding, etc. But even if you don't go, you are obliged to get a gift. Stupid wedding etiquette. :) Unfortunately, I'm good at following rules.

All of this to say that after a couple hours of shopping today, I came home with four giftcards. I am trying to get over my preconceived ideas that giftcards are impersonal. I remember we loved getting giftcards when we got married. We loved everything we got when we got married.

Well, except for that clearly recycled gift screwdriver set...

Better than last year

It's my birthday. It's only 9:45, and it's already better than last year.

Last year my mom was having her second lumpectomy. On my birthday. I remember going to the hospital to meet my dad and family friend Vicki. I made cookies. A birthday treat to share in the waiting room. Rather pathetic, looking back on it!

My mom had all of her one-year tests on Monday--CT scan, bone scan, and mammogram. She had an appointment with her oncologist this morning and was hoping he would have the results for her. Well, he did. My phone rang 15 minutes ago. My mom was on the other end and said "I wanted you to be the first to know that I'm free and clear!" In hidsight, I'm surprised I didn't start crying right then and there. I just said "YAY!" There is no sign of anything left in her body--not even early signs of arthritis in her bones!

God is good. More than one reason to celebrate today!

Now, on with the festivities. Or at least, on with getting Dan out of bed...

Killing time

I'm presently on the phone with nelnet student loan consolidation services. I've been on hold for about 10 minutes, and am expecting at least another 15. Of course, I have to stay on the line so that I can consolidate/refinance before the big rate hike on July 1st. The 'on hold' lady keeps reminding me of that.

So, since I'm bored out of my mind, you're going to be bored too. I'm going to think of things to tell you until I get someone to talk to. Buckle up. This is going to be exciting.

1. It's June 21st. That means it's officially summer. I like that. It also means that tomorrow is my birthday.
2. James Taylor was on the Today Show this morning. It was good. He has aged gracefully.
3. I took my friend Lisa to the airport at 3:15 this morning. She is going to Belize. When she asked if I could do it, she said she was trying to think of her friends that didn't have a job and she thought of me. When I told her that was a little offensive, she changed it to "I guess I was thinking of my friends who are lucky enough to have the summers off." Much better.
4. I went back to bed at 4:45. It was already starting to get light out. I'm pretty sure I totally messed up my body clock. Maybe not.
5. "Thank you for taking time to call nelnet." That's me being thanked for the 43rd time.
6. Dan is still in bed and his alarm keeps going off. It's really loud. He has probably pressed snooze 5 times.
7. I just finished reading The Things They Carried. It's a phenomenal book about the Vietnam war. I highly recommend it.
8. Ooh, the next nelnet loan advisor will assist me. I don't think that means anything.
9. We had friends over last night, one of whom is alergic to cats. So we had to lock the cats in my bedroom. They were quite angry.
10. Dan's alarm number 6.
11. The Kare 11 Today Show is on now. Roxanne Battle and Pat Evans bug me.
12. I have an orthodontist appointment this afternoon. I got my braces off in 7th grade and I have had to go back to the ortho every year for a check up. I still have permanent retainers in. I guess as long as I don't have to keep paying, I'll go until I'm 78. My doctor will be long gone, though.
13. This is Dan's lucky number. His birthday is June 13th.
14. Today is my friend Ben's birthday. I should e-mail him.
15. Between May 14th and Labor Day weekend, Dan and I have 6 weddings to attend. I like weddings. Is it rude for me to wear the same outfit to all of them? Luckily, I'm not in any of them. That would be expensive.
16. www.nelnet.net/consolidation. That's where you want to go if you want to consolidate your loans. So why am I on the phone? My mom blazed a trail before me last night and let me know she didn't get very far online. Bummer.
17. I went to the doctor with my mom yesterday. She had all of her 1-year follow up stuff. CT scan, bone scan, mammogram, etc. It was great fun. It's always interesting to hear other people's cancer stories. Hopefully she'll get results tomorrow when she sees her oncologist.
18. I was at Cub yesterday during the storm. It wasn't even raining when I went inside. While I was shopping, the power went out. They had some emergency lights on, and the registers still worked. But it was a little weird. And POURING outside. I had to put my clothes in the dryer and sit with a hair dryer on my dripping locks for a while.
19. I'm running out of ideas.
20. The weather looks pleasant outside. Haven't experienced it firsthand yet. The TV says it's 73 degrees.
21. My new favorite CD is Nichole Nordeman's "Brave." No singer/songwriter affects me quite like she does. God just uses her outstanding talent in amazing ways.
22. Dan's alarm number 7.
23. My brother killed a spider while I was on the phone with my mom last night. He's a bit of a wuss with spiders, so it was pretty impressive.
24. I made some vegetables on the grill last night in a grill pan. What a great invention. It's my new favorite thing.
25. This is how old I'll be in 14 hours. A whole quarter of a century. Hmmm.
26. I like Seattle.
27. I don't like the Denver airport.
28. Amazing calorie information: regular pancake syrup has 210 calories per 1/4 cup. Sugar-free syrup has 30 calories per 1/4 cup. And it tastes great.
29. My friend Beth is having twins in a month. They are both boys. Can't wait to meet them.
30. PHONE IS RINGING! Talking to a real person as we speak. Great fun.
31. Dan's alarm number 8. GET UP ALREADY!

My time here is done. Thanks for killing time with me. Have a FABULOUS first day of summer!!

Hold on

"So baby don’t look down, it’s a long way
The sun will come around to a new day

So hold on
Love will find you
Hold on
He’s right behind you now
Just turn around
And love will find you"

-new Nichole Nordeman

Happy birthday to YOU!!!

My dear husband Dan is celebrating his 28th year of life today. He is pretty sure he is getting old. Like without warning, all of a sudden, next year he'll turn 43. I've tried to assure him that despite a few grey hairs and a slight thinning of that very hair, he is not even close to AARP qualification. Although, the discount might come in handy...

So, many birthday wishes, my love. I hope it's a happy one!

Again I say, REJOICE!

I rejoice, because as of today, I have survived my first year as a middle school teacher. The last of my seventh graders stopped jumping off the walls long enough to exit the room for good at 3:15. It was a glorious sight.
I've had Alice Cooper's "School's Out for Summer" in my head all day. What a happy thought.
I am still getting a grasp on everything that I'll have a 3-month break from. No more last-minute lesson plans. No more grading mediocre work. No more returning the phone calls of ornery parents. No more answering the same question three times in one class period. No more "I BELIEVE I ASKED YOU TO STOP TALKING!"
It is with excitement that I embark on this summer with grad school classes, painting some rooms in our house, and getting away with my husband. Along with a few birthdays, a slew of weddings, and many backyard barbeques.
I'm ready for a break. Minnesota summer? Bring it on.

Beautiful

I love being a part of the worship team when new songs are introduced. Part of the excitement is hearing Joel's heart behind the song choice and his desire to make these our songs. I was especially touched by "Beautiful" this weekend. The words are so simple and so amazing. A lot of it resonated with something Judy Hougen blogged about a couple weeks ago: "Beauty is part of who God is. Not only does God embody beauty, he also creates it. So if beauty is part of who God is and what he does, are we not in spiritual peril if we ignore or discount the role of beauty in our own lives?" (These few sentences are not doing her post justice. Click on her name to the left to read the entire thing). God created us. God creates beautiful things. Not only is HE beautiful in HIS holiness, he makes US beautiful through HIS holiness.

I was recently turned on to the Jennifer Knapp-type stylings of Christian recording artist Bethany Dillon. (Thanks, Lisa). I have a lot of respect for musicians who write their own stuff and/or play an instrument. Bethany does both. And she's one of those teenage phenoms. She has a song on her new album, also called "Beautiful," that really speaks the same things I mentioned above. She does something cool with the chorus. The first couple times through, the words are very "I" centered ("I want to be beautiful, and make you stand in awe..."), but the last time through, it becomes a God-centered voice. The journey spoken of in the lyrics has brought her to a place where she finds her beauty in who she is in the Lord. "You make me beautiful, You make me stand in awe, You step inside my heart, and I am amazed. I love to hear You say, Who I am is quite enough. You make me worthy of love and beautiful." It's a very refreshing reminder of WHO we are and WHOSE we are.

In a society where beauty is measured by outside appearances, I want to remember to draw from the only one who can make me truly beautiful.
"God does not see the same way people see. People look on the outside of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart." (I Samuel 16:7)

It's a happy day

Why? Because today, my mother is a one-year breast cancer survivor.

May 24, 2004. I didn’t usually call mom in the morning. And I don’t remember why I did on this particular morning. But for some reason, I sat down in my classroom and dialed her number. Her crying voice picked up on the other end and said, “I have cancer.” I had a vague recollection that she had gotten a lump checked out. We cried together on the phone for a while. But I had to say goodbye and collect myself. I would have 16 kindergarteners invading my classroom in a matter of minutes. The following week brought uncertainty, a plethora of cards and pink flowers, and a schedule for surgery.

Come the middle of June, mom would have two lumpectomies. The second was on my 24th birthday. They removed the two lumps and 19 lymph nodes, 3 of which were positive.

By the end of July, she was starting chemotherapy. The total of eight treatments took place every two weeks and would bring her right into November. I had the humbling opportunity to accompany her on two of these trips. The chemo took a toll on her body (and hair), but her spirits were stronger than ever. She amazingly continued working through all of this.

Around Thanksgiving, mom started a 6 ½ week course of radiation. Her hair started growing back around Christmas, and her attitude remained as positive as ever. By the middle of January, we were celebrating the end of cancer treatments.

The next few months progressed without any major changes. A couple of doctor’s appointments just for check-ups.

And now, here we are, one year later. Celebrating life. Celebrating strength. Celebrating God’s faithfulness.

So much in me has risen up in this year of watching someone so dear to me play with the crappy hand life dealt her. I remember at one point, toward the end of chemo, she wrote these words:

“So now I'm looking back, and I realize that if the cancer comes back I won't go to pieces! Some might read that as me not having faith that God has healed me. That's not it at all. I know that the Lord walked with me every step of the way. He was so close and so dear. My family and friends were amazing. I may never have to deal with cancer again. But if I do, I'll be okay.”

That gave me such hope as her daughter. I certainly don’t want to watch her go through it again, but knowing that she know she’s going to be okay makes me feel okay. I also felt that if I ever had to go through this myself, I wouldn't be scared.

Fear also rose up at more than one point along this journey. The realization that breast cancer was now part of our family medical history was less than exciting. Watching mom deal with nausea, pain, and fatigue was unbearable. Wanting so badly to help her but not knowing exactly how to was tough.

I remember feelings of thankfulness being prominent. At every point of the journey—the diagnosis, the treatments—there was something to be thankful for. That the lumps weren’t bigger. That more lymph nodes weren’t positive. For the amazing doctors and nurses that were in charge of her care. There was always an overwhelming feeling of the preciousness of life.

By the grace of God, we all made it through the whole ordeal. And just as mom had said, we don’t want to do this all over again, but we know God holds our lives in His amazingly loving hands, and we can’t do anything but trust Him.

My mom is an incredible woman of God. I’m glad that I can call her my best friend. And today I’m glad to call her a survivor.

It's weird

I want to be a runner.

That's not weird.

The weird thing is that I actually hate running. So far, anyway. It make my knees and lungs ache. It makes me feel like a bit of a dope as I pound the hard pavement 6 feet below my head. But that's exactly what I'm doing.

So why do I run?

I'm still trying to figure out a good answer for that one. The deep desire to "be a runner" is certainly motivating enough right now. I want to be healthy. I want to take advantage of this beautiful spring we're experiencing. Well, I pretend. :)
I'm doing this run/walk program right now, where each week I run more and walk less, and eventually I'll be able to run a marathon or something. Well, maybe not quite.

I'm learning very quickly that running--or any challenge, really--is SO MUCH mind over matter. If I know I have to run a certain number of minutes before I can walk again, my mind prepares my body for that. However, if I start running with no "number of minutes" goal in my head, I can't make it half that distance. It's weird.

I'm hoping to eventually be able to say that I love running. If nothing else in this grand new excursion of mine, I do love my running shoes.

Building for Eternity

I recently came across some old books as I was cleaning and organizing our downstairs office/spare bedroom/workout area. Most of them were books from Bible classes at Northwestern that I wasn't able to sell back at the end of the semester. I hated when that happened. But some of the books were worth putting on a shelf and actually paging through again. One such book is My Utmost for His Highest. I remember receiving it from Pam Keske when I graduated from high school, and I forgot how incredible it is. I also think I have a more mature appreciation for his writing this many years later. I especially love what was written for today--May 7--and I want to share some of it.

"For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?"
~Luke 14:28

"Our Lord refers not to a cost we have to count, but to a cost which He has counted....All that we build is going to be inspected by God. Is God going to detect in His searching fire that we have built on the foundation of Jesus some enterprise of our own? These are days of tremendous enterprises, days when we are trying to work for God, and therein is the snare. Profoundly speaking, we can never work for God. Jesus takes us over for His enterprises, His building schemes entirely, and no soul has any right to claim where he shall be put."
~Oswald Chambers

I came across a rat

If there is anything more vile than a real, live rat, it's a dead rat on the side of the road. I passed one today on my drive to work. I really thought it was a squirrel or something, until I saw the huge, unmistakable rat tail. It grossed me out. Then I was reminded of Ken Fong's great words for us. Then, not a mile down the road, I passed a dead bunny on the road. ('Tis the season for road kill aparently?) The dead bunny didn't gross me out as much. It was still dead, but it was a much cuter dead animal than the rat was. The whole scenario stirred up the desire to not be a "cute" Christian, but to admit than I'm not perfect and be okay with not hiding that fact. We all have our own huge, gross rat tails to deal with. Well, hopefully not literally. We can't hide in the fuzzy grey fur and adorable little ears for long!

Purpose

"I've always believed that we were, each of us, put here for a reason; that there is a divine plan for all of us. I know now that whatever days are left to me belong to God." -Ronald Reagan

The former president said this shortly after learning of his alzheimer's. When he died almost one year ago, this quote was posted on a website. A lot of things struck me when I read it, so I wrote it down. It ended up in a pile somewhere, but I came across the particular pile just this week.
One thing that struck me was the faith that eminated through Reagan's words. I was born in 1980. Reagan was president until 1988. 8-year-olds don't pay much attention to politics. It made me wish I had been older and wiser during his years in office.
I was also struck by the integrity, confidence, and wisdom in his words. He understood purpose. He understood that as humans, we are at the will of an amazing God.
Reagan took God's divine plan for him and ran with it. He gave his years of alzheimer's-stricken days to God. Makes me want to be more deliberate about giving my days--all of them--to Him.

I went to Haiti today

This morning, eager to once again take advantage of this amazing weather, I took a great walk outside with Dan's iPod (my new favorite toy). I was not the only person with this idea, which was evident as I passed a woman with a stroller, a couple with a dog, and a jogging man. As I neared my turnaround spot, I saw something strange in the distance. There were two black women, and one appeared to be wearing a turban. Weird. As I got closer, I saw the picture more clearly. These two woman had just taken a walk to CVS to pick up some necessities. They walked very slowly--there was nothing important enough to interrupt their leisurely stroll. One of them wore a long linen skirt and worn-out sandals and carried a small bag. The other was similarly dressed and carried a gallon of milk--on her head. Both were very kind as I passed, and we all said hello. I love how unusual it was to see this in the middle of Maple Grove, but how much I enjoyed it at the same time. I was immediately transferred to the streets of Port-au-Prince, where you would be hard pressed to find a woman without something resting on her head. Where it is also very normal to see people taking their time. There is no rush. Some walk without any destination at all. It made me want to be there. But more, it made me yearn for that lifestyle. To take our time. To enjoy each other and the beauty around us.Today I was touched by two gorgeous African women carrying their groceries home. I love the originality of our God.

Reverent or Disturbing?

Pope John Paul II died on Saturday. I feel more sad about it than I thought I would have. I have also been fascinated by all of the news around his life and death. In fact, he was pope since before I was born, and I have learned the most about him in the last four days. I am in awe as I watch people filling St. Peter's Square and making their way to see his body. Is this normal behavior? Is this man revered as more than just a man in the Catholic faith? There is talk of him becoming a saint. I think that is amazing!
There are some things that leave me a bit more puzzled, though. When it was evident on Friday evening and into Saturday that his death was close at hand, the news scroll on MSNBC said, "Catholics are encouraged to pray for thier pontiff" and as things got worse, "People should really focus their prayers." What does that mean? Are they praying that he won't die? Are they praying that he'll get into heaven? Are they simply praying that he won't be in pain? Or that he will just go in peace and be able to meet his Father?
Another thing that makes me think is how he has been displayed since his passing. His body has been made very public and royal-looking. Thinking back over the few public deaths and funerals I have seen, this is a first. I have pictures in my head of caskets draped with flags. Not bodies lying on a board, heads propped up with velvet pillows.
No doubt this man did many things for good during his time as pope. The things I have heard just these past few days have amazed me and made me want to know more.
Imagine being around when Jesus had died. Were crowds in the tens of thousands gathered at the cross? Did droves of people come to pay their respects when they heard of his crucifixion? Sometimes I wish I had been there. I'd like to hear the reaction of the crowds when the final announcement was made. Jesus had died. Even more, I'd like to join the women assigned to going to the tomb and finding it empty two days later. Oh the joy!

Refreshing

Easter always feels refreshing to me. The combination of the promise of new life through Christ's sacrifice and the new life happening outside due to spring is very renewing. Everything feels new.
I am once again brought back to this truth through Nicole Nordeman lyrics. The last verse of "Every Season" says it so well.

"And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring"

Happy new season.

Go to Seattle!

The purpose of posting today is simply to say that if you have never been to Seattle, WA, you must plan a trip out there for sometime in your life. It is incredible. There is so much to do and see and eat. Mountains. Puget sound and many lakes. Pike Place Market (you know, the one where they throw fish!). Views of the Space Needle, the skyline, Mt. Olympus, Mt. Ranier. St. Mark's Cathedral. University of Washington. Coffee shops on almost every corner. Tulip and daffodil gardens in Mt. Vernon. Ferry rides to Victoria, BC. So much fun stuff. We took a much-needed vacation of 5 days, but it felt like a week and a half. It was heavenly. And (major bonus), we got out of MN by the skin of our teeth during last Friday's snow storm. Seattle doesn't have snow. Everything is green. Our last three days were mid-50s, not a cloud in the sky. Unfortunately, our trip brought us back to MN last night. But it's always nice to be home. :)
So, big thanks to Matt and Sarah for their hospitality and 1000-mile-an-hour abilities. We loved it!
Visit Seattle.

Waiting Game

So much of life is spent waiting. Longing. Right now I yearn for summer. Impossible seventh graders and snow in the forecast are trying my patience as I dream of warm sun and ice cream.
Sometimes we can be wonderfully surprised while we are waiting. Such has happened with my incredible husband. Slightly unsatisfied with real estate and stressed about finances, he began pursuing other options a few weeks ago. After more than a few assurances of "I'll mention your name" and "I'll give him your resume," he decided that he couldn't do much but be patient. Of course, he was still active in his search, but he was content that things might stay the same for a while.
Yesterday, absolutely out of the blue, Dan received a phone call from a gentleman in training for some company associated with Best Buy. He said he received Dan's resume from someone, liked what he saw, and wanted to interview Dan. When? Today at 11:00 am. Sure. No problem. Dan took the opportunity in stride and accepted the chance to interview with the (still unknown at that point) company. As it turns out, the job would involve quite a bit of travel, especially in the first six months. But he would be training, and that is SO right up his alley. Heck, he even has a degree in it. We don't know anything about salary or other details, but it sounds as though they are looking for a person to start soon and they really liked Dan. So it's worth a little consideration on our part. Who knows. God does work in mysterious ways.
And now we wait.
Prayers and wisdom are more than welcome. :)

You can't make this stuff up

Writing assignment: Write to a fictitious pen pal, telling him or her what happens at our school dances.
ACTUAL seventh grade response:
Dear Mr. Mink,
Hello Mr. Mink, you are of this moment reading this letter in your very small tin foil hat on the rail road tracks.
You needed assistance with your BBQ?
You said you were BBQing on the tracks and the train hit it? OK...
Fix it using imaginary tools by Magico and follow the east to use the instructions.
Hope this helped!
Sincerely,
Jack
(Name has been changed to protect the privacy of this odd child)

I met this boy's father at conferences tonight. What do you say when all you really WANT to say is, "I think your son is pretty strange." ?

Just keep swimming (in my best Dory voice)

"Trust God to move your mountain, but keep on climbing."
My mom sent this to me today. She reads a devotional called "Daily Bread," and this was the closing quote. I like it because it encourages us to remain active and not get stuck in passivity. We can't just ignore our part. No matter how tired we are, no matter how much homework we have, no matter how people treated us today, no matter how much stress we are under. We can't just sit back and watch our lives unfold. We have to stay right in the middle of it and keep on living.

Gratitude

I feel like I am in kind of a lonely place right now. I don't feel abandoned or left out; I just feel a little like I am doing life alone. A couple months ago, I would have said it was a very painful place to be. Now I think I'm actually learning some from it. God is making me look at things differently. I'm more appreciative. I remember praying and asking Him to get me out of the crap I was dealing with within myself. He didn't answer that prayer, and now I'm thankful for it. He opened my eyes to something I have known my whole life, but didn't appreciate in its fullness until now: I am fully aware that God answers prayer. However, He also knows what is best for us and where he needs to challenge us, and what we are praying might not be in line with that. So I am learning to desire His best for me rather than my own agenda. Funny that it took me until now to actually put that into practice; heaven knows I have heard it enough times. Nichole Nordeman has a song that really summed it up for me. (Unfortunately, it left me crying while driving down 610 one afternoon--not a safe combo for me...)

Send some rain, would you send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
and the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade.
Would you send a cloud, thunder long and loud,
let the sky grow black and send some mercy down?
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid.
But maybe not, not today;
maybe You'll provide in other ways, and if that's the case,

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
for lessons learned in how to thirst for You;
how to bless the very sun that warms our face
if you never send us rain.

Daily bread, give us daily bread.
Bless our bodies; keep our children fed.
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight.
Wrap us up and warm us through,
tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs.
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time.
Or maybe not, not today;
Maybe You'll provide in other ways.
And if that's the case,

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude.
A lesson learned to hunger after You,
that a starry sky offers a better view
when no roof is overhead, and if we never taste that bread.

Oh, the differences that often are between
everything we want and what we really need.

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace.
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
between alibis and enemies tonight.
Or maybe not, not today.
Peace might be another world away,
and if that's the case,

(fabulous key change here)

We'll give thanks to you with gratitude
for lessons learned in how to trust in You,
that we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
in abundance or in need.
And if you never grant us peace,
but Jesus, would You, please?