Monday, August 22, 2005

Mean people suck

Middle schoolers live for screen printed t-shirts. This one is one of my favorites. Click here to buy one for yourself! But I digress.

My five-foot professor made me cry today. She made me very small. (And not in a "fit into size 6 jeans" sort of way). For the record, I didn't cry until I was in my car and driving away from Bethel as fast as I could. (Screw their 19 mph speed limit. Seriously.) Okay, let me back up.

I met with the reading education department head today to turn in my portfolio for licensure and fill out the right forms and everything. There were a few instances that classified this woman as "mean" during our time together today. First of all, when she took my portfolio (without opening it for a second, by the way), she assured me that she would go through it all by the end of the week and that I would probably have to revise some things, so I shouldn't get too excited about having it done. Awesome. Then she went on to address my participation (or lack thereof in her eyes) in a reading clinic we conducted in July. Forgive me if I was in the throes of morning sickness and wasn't thrilled to be driving 45 minutes everyday in rush hour to take part in the most unorganized clinic setting EVER! She took my "half-heartedness" (her sweet words) as a red flag for my participation in the whole program. (By the way, this portfolio is the end of the licensure program, and the masters is done by April. Nice timing if you seriously are concerned about me). She just kept going on about how I don't seem to have a passion for doing this and she wanted to make sure I wasn't just staying with the program because I had already taken this many classes. THEN, as we were talking about my being pregnant, she had the guts to tell me how hard it will be complete the last class with a newborn and that I would probably have to finish the class at another time. "Because right now, it all seems fine, but once that baby comes, it won't be!" I'm not stupid. I know it isn't the most ideal situation. But frankly, her skepticism makes me even more motivated to do it!

So as I'm completely stomped into the dull carpet of her poorly-lit office, all I want to do is scream, "CAN'T YOU TELL MY PREGNANCY HORMONE-INDUCED EMOTIONS ARE A LITTLE FRAGILE RIGHT NOW?" But I didn't. I smiled, nodded, and left.

I left so hurt, discouraged, and questioning of my abilities and future plans. I don't think it was her job to make me feel this way. But for some reason, she felt the need to do so. Unfortunately, she isn't just the department head. She is our primary professor for this program and I'll have her for a class again in October. Hooray!

7 comments:

Joy said...

Dear Erin......this just sucks!!!! It is really hard right now to know that this all sounds like her issues and not yours. Something must have had her tied in a knot to do this to you so late in the program. She also doesn't know you or your heart nor your committment to what you have started. She is completely unaware that there will a whole fleet of people stading by to help you get through what you need to do for class and to help take care of baby. I'll be there for You Erin and know that I am giving you a hug. If it helps at all...Barb went through a similar thing getting her masters too. For some reason these people think they have POWER......and in some areas a little but not as much as they think. Another hug.........JOY

Danb said...

I don't like to fight your battles for you... and thats a good thing i think. Though this one makes me want to take a baseball bat to the woman's car, not to mention her insensitive mouth. I watch the time you put into all this work, and the time you put into becoming an incredible teacher and then this bitch has the nerve to question your integrity. You can throw spears at me shoot guns at me even cut my legs off, but when you attack my den, the fierce lion wants to come out in me. I am sooo sory that this had to happen, more I'm sorry that this person lives her life this way. I wonder how many incredible people, incredible teachers, she has torn appart because of her jealousy and pride. I'd like to have a talk with her... and leave a horse head in her bed for her to wake up next to... though I feel for the person who sleeps next to her cuz they have to wake up to something equally disturbing.... AHHHHHHHHh i could bash all day long... I hope your teacher reads this... she needs to be offended... and could use a slap in the face!

I'm seriously immature for hitting the publish button... but I'm mad right now... and I don't care!

I love you darling... and I say... Who cares what she thinks... we'll get er done! I'm right beside ya... I know its just words and its easier said than done... just trust.

Peace!

-Lisa- said...

OH MY! How awful!!!!
What a, a... blind and insensitive person, Dan already named her other appropriate ones! Thought I'd add some others :)
I just can't believe she didn't have one ounce of support to give you. I can't believe how much lack of compassion she had, seriously, I would have been offended and hurt, and I'm not even pregnant!
I know I can't do anything in this situation... but you're one of the smartest people I know... so I know you can handle whatever comes your way. Not to mention that God won't give you anything you can't handle either... ah, but you know that

julie said...

erin, i don't know you well. i know you only from matt's party and your blog, but she is wrong. i sense a depth within you that not only contains integrity and immense kindness, but compassion and laughter and God. do not let this get you down. this is only an obstacle put in your path. you can choose to falter and not go farther or you can choose to fight your way around it, over it, through and walk away a stronger person. i have confidence. my heart hurts for yours, and i pray you find a peace about this.

Erin Bennett said...

Thank you all for your kind, encouraging words. God knew the words I needed to hear and chose you to deliver them to me. :)

gloria said...

Dearest Erin,
Like the others I feel angry and defensive for you. I'm glad Dan said all of those words... it relieves me from saying them.

To a large degree you are over the barrel in concern to their power to deny you what you are in pursuit of... and to be over the barrel to someone who is using her authority in the way that she is... well, it sucks. You are left vulnerable to someone who ought to be your advocate, not with platitudes but with real help and care. Injustice.
You are in my prayers.

ashley rebekah said...

erin,
it's time to tell this lady off, guilliani-style! i've got some new-york left in me, so allow me to give you a few pointers, should you decide to stick it to her.

#1) the trick is to appear 'kind', but in your words, cut her down to her appropriate size (much like she did to you, i wonder if she's from the empire state?)

#2) never mince your words. never. say it like it is. call the shots.
this puts you in ultimate control.

#3) always pack heat

#4) make eye-contact, and never look away. whoever looks away first is the weaker party, and THAT IS NOT YOU!

#5) always pack heat

#6) shoulders up and back, head up.

#7) it's good to end said verbal fistfight with a good hand-pounding on a desk, or a forceful jolt into the standing position. simultaneously, make a strong final statement, and make sure to slam the door as you leave. if said weaker party is in a cube as opposed to an office, pound your fist on the cube wall as you leave (for emphasis)

#8) pray for forgiveness.

this is my simple 8-step program. "do you think anyone wants a round-house kick to the face when i'm wearing these bad boys?"

love,
~shleyma