Good riddance!

We're on the cusp of a new year. And honestly, we're ready for it. Bring on the new year. New DECADE, even!

Because if I'm being completely honest, 2019 hasn't been a picnic for the Bennetts. Some of it has been downright crappy. I saw something online this morning that said "Page 364 of 365. Are you ready to close this book?" And I thought, "Not only am I ready to close this book, I would have quit this book and moved on to another one a LONG time ago!"

And while nothing about turning the page on a calendar guarantees that things are going to be better, we're just ready for something fresh and new.

2019 literally started with my dad in the hospital. He had a TIA (mini stroke) on the morning of December 31st and rang in the New Year, probably sound asleep, in his hospital bed at North Memorial.

The middle of the year brought an intense pastor search process at our church, which I was on the search committee for. We spent months interviewing one candidate and after two months of discerning on his end, he ended up telling us no. It was devastating and frustrating and so many other emotions.

2019 is ending with colds and coughs all around, among other physical ailments.

And in between? Job issues, plumbing expenses, car problems, bullying, lost loved ones, health problems, a sick cat, relationship challenges, and freaking bed bugs. By the time Jack and Leah were homebound with strep throat on Thanksgiving Day, it was almost comical. "Of course! It is still 2019, after all!"

I wish I had something encouraging to say in the midst of it all. Other than, "we survived!" Because we did. But we're weary. We feel awfully attacked. And I'm not sure how much more we can take.

So, 2020? Please be kind. :)

Best books of 2019!

I love reading everyone's lists at the end of the year--best movies, best blogs, best podcasts, but especially best books. I read a lot, and I read even more than usual this year (hello, long winter. hello, sabbatical). Here are some of my faves. (And they're just from my quarterly "best of" posts, so if you've read those, this is nothing new).

So without further ado!

I joked with my friend that this book title perfectly describes an Enneagram 5. :) Anne Bogel's I'd Rather Be Reading highlights everything we love about books and why we can't imagine life without them. It was a very enjoyable read.

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones follows an African American couple after the husband is wrongly accused of a crime and incarcerated. Fascinating and thought-provoking.

I've enjoyed everything I've read by Rachel Held Evans, and Inspired was no different. The book itself was inspired by her own questions about the Bible, and she walks us through various types of writing found there, as well as what God is trying to teach us through it.

Knox McCoy is one of the hosts of two of my favorite podcasts, The Popcast and The Bible Binge, and The Wondering Years is his memoir. It's hilarious and heartwarming and I loved it so much.

The Overstory by Richard Powers details the lives of nine individuals and how they all come together around trees. Sounds weird, but it's fascinating and beautiful. Their stories run deep and it was fun to piece them all together.

I'll Be There For You: The One About Friends by Kelsey Miller. I'm a die-hard Friends fan, and Kelsey had some backstories and behind-the-scenes that I hadn't even heard before. It was so great! And it made me want to watch the series all over again. (I haven't yet, but do you know what I love watching? Friends bloopers videos on Facebook. Don't even start, because it's so hard to stop. Or do, because it will be the funniest thing you've watched all day). :)

Carnegie's Maid is a fictional work about the real Andrew Carnegie. It's a fascinating and enjoyable read with a definite "Downton Abbey" upstairs/downstairs feel.

Love & Gelato and Love & Luck are two fun teen fiction books. (Read them in this order--it's not necessarily a book and its sequel, but the second does reference characters from the first). Super cute stories that will make you want to travel to Europe. :)

I talked about this one when it was up for Giveaway Day last month, but it was so incredibly inspiring! These two friends, one in a wheelchair, take on the Camino trail in Spain. So good.

Born Survivors is the account of three women who had babies in concentration camps during World War II. You honestly can't even believe that these women survived, much less their babies. This is not a weekend read. I literally took the whole three weeks that I had this from the library, and I read some lighter novels in between sections of it. It's heart-wrenching and fascinating, and every time I read anything about that period of time, I can't believe the horror of what went on.

I chose this one for book club last month and we all really enjoyed it. :) She's a fantastic writer (or her ghostwriter is...) and her life story was really interesting to read about.

Maid was another fascinating nonfiction read. I learned a lot about poverty and the working poor. Land's story was eye-opening and inspiring.

Freeman's podcast of the same name is one of my favorites, and her book is mostly past episodes with some new content. It was a delight to listen to the audiobook, and the actual hardcover is beautifully crisp and clean. :)

I read Thomas' The Hate U Give last year and was excited when it was finally my turn at the library for her new book On the Come Up. I really enjoy her writing, and both books have been eye-opening about life among gang and drug activity in Los Angeles.

Where the Crawdads Sing has been SUPER hyped up lately, and I was wary about reading it for that reason. But I really loved it! It's a fascinating story with just enough mystery to keep you turning the pages.

The Dreamers was green-lit on The Popcast, and it was downright quirky. But I really liked it. "An ordinary town is transformed by a mysterious illness that triggers perpetual sleep" (NYT). See? quirky. :)

I have a thing for WWII fiction. I don't know why. I think it's a fascinating and heartbreaking time in our not-so-distant past, and it's hard to believe what people went through. The Tattooist of Auschwitz was beautiful and haunting, and it's based on a true story.

I first heard Hillary McBride on Jen Hatmaker's podcast (season 14 episode 3, 1/8/19), and I immediately requested her book, Mothers, Daughters & Body Image. It's an important read for anyone, but especially for mothers with daughters, and especially growing up in the culture we are. It can read a little textbook/dry sometimes, but the message is beautiful and so vital.

Educated is another absolutely fascinating read--Tara lives in Idaho with her survivalist family, and she is homeschooled briefly as a child. She decides to leave the confines of what her parents think is safest for her, and attends school for the first time as a 17-year-old. The book follows her journey through college and beyond.

I have to be careful in this recommendation. :) Nadia Bolz-Weber is amazing and thought-provoking, but she's also very "out there." So if you're not so "out there," you've been warned. ;) Shameless is the first book of hers that I've read (although I have two more on my shelf and I've followed her for a while). I loved this book for a lot of reasons, but I think the version of myself that loved it most was the one that grew up in the height of purity culture (think "True Love Waits," "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," etc). I come across things once in a while that slowly undo some of the damage done through purity culture, and this book was just another helpful antidote. :)

Tell the Wolves I'm Home was a recommendation from my mom, and I loved it. It follows 14-year-old June in the 1980s, after the death of her uncle to AIDS. She ends up developing a very sweet relationship with her uncle's boyfriend, whom the family has previously blamed for their uncle's death.

I'm pretty sure The Mother-in-Law was a Popcast green light. It details the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, moving between the present time, where the mother-in-law has just died, and various points in the past. Super intriguing read.

The River was definitely a Popcast green light, and I've been waiting my turn on the library waiting list for a while. :) It was absolutely worth the wait--Heller is an amazing writer and the story is extremely compelling. It follows college friends on a canoeing trip, where lots of things pop up to complicate their plans.

I adored Anne Bogel's I'd Rather Be Reading, and I'm very much looking forward to her Don't Overthink It. But I'd never picked up Reading People, and I'm so glad I finally did. The book outlines a variety of personality-type systems (Myers Briggs, Enneagram, Love Languages, etc) and it's so fascinating to realize all the ways we are so unique from one another.

I don't know where I heard about Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, but it was so fantastic! It's the account of a therapist and the journey of four of her clients, as well as HER own relationship with her therapist. It's so beautifully written--you grow to love Gottlieb and her clients so much. And it will make you grateful for any therapist you've ever had. :)

Holy Envy was the big nonfiction winner for me this quarter. I've never read anything by Barbara Brown Taylor, but every time I hear Jen Hatmaker as her question ("What is saving your life right now?") at the end of her podcast, I think, "I should read something by her." So I did! And I picked a good one to start with. Taylor is an Episcopal priest and professor, and this book recounts her time teaching a world religions class at Piedmont College. The subtitle, "Finding God in the Faith of Others," really does sum up what this book does. She speaks of the major religions she teaches and how they impacted her life as a Christian. It's fascinating and intriguing and I didn't want it to be done. Can't wait to read more by her.

Here's to lots of fun books in 2020!! Happy reading, friends!

The End of the Road

Believe it or not, #AYearOfSmittenKitchen is over. Am I happy? Maybe. :) Am I glad I did it? Definitely.

My goal with this project was to branch out in my cooking. I tend to fall back on the same handful of recipes when I plan my meals each week. It's what I'm comfortable with. And I definitely accomplished that goal. Sometimes I wasn't super excited to have to figure out what SK recipe was going to fit into my week. :) But it forced me to keep things interesting!

I wanted to wrap up this year of cooking 52 brand new recipes and getting out of my comfort zone in the process by answering some questions. Because it's been a long year! And 52 recipes is a lot of cooking!

Why Smitten Kitchen?
When I had this idea a year ago, to make a new recipe every week, I just thought I'd pick recipes from a variety of places. But the more I thought about how to narrow that down, the more I thought it would be cool for the whole year's worth of recipes to be from one source. I had been following Smitten Kitchen for a little while at that point, and I'd made a couple of her recipes, so it seemed like a good place to start!

Favorite recipe?
This is so hard. I loved a lot of things that I made this year! A few stand-outs, though, are Black Bottom Cupcakes, Cranberry-Walnut Chicken Salad, Baked Pasta with Broccoli Rabe and Sausage, and Chicken Chili.

Recipe I won't bother repeating?
There are a couple, but without a doubt, the Grilled Bacon BLTs. Not because they weren't DELICIOUS (and I did love that sriracha mayo!) but because of the grease fire that resulted in our grill the next time we used it. Hello, Maple Grove Fire Department!

Easiest Recipe?
Probably a toss up between Obsessively Good Avocado Cucumber Salad and Best Hot Fudge Sauce.

Most unique ingredient used?
For sure veal for Meatballs and Spaghetti. I'd never bought it before. And honestly, I probably never will again. :) It was expensive and unnecessary--the beef and pork are plenty in those meatballs.

Biggest flop?
Unfortunately, Apple Cranberry Crisp. I was REALLY looking forward to it, and I purposely saved it for Thanksgiving week. But the top crust was awful. I still want to redeem the recipe because I did love the apple-cranberry part. :)

Favorite dessert?
Besides the Black Bottom Cupcakes, I also really enjoyed the Cheesecake Marbled Brownies and the Chocolate Budino. Ooh, and Dulce de Leche Ice Cream!

Favorite pasa?
Besides Baked Pasta with Broccoli Rabe and Sausage, I really liked Spaghetti al Limone.

Recipes you've repeated?
There are lots! For sure the Double Chocolate Banana Bread and Pumpkin Bread. Those are practically staples in this house. :) I also used the Meatballs and Spaghetti recipe to make a new meatball recipe for my go-to (combination of SK and my old go-to). And I made The Best Hot Fudge Sauce for Christmas gifts this year!

Will you this for another year?
Short answer, nope! I'm glad I did it, but I'm glad it's done. :) However, I'm definitely not done making new recipes, from Smitten Kitchen or elsewhere. I just won't be blogging about them. I do want to cook more with Leah too, and she just got a Kids Gluten Free cookbook for Christmas, so that's our new project. ;)

SK week 52 | Garlic Butter Roasted Mushrooms

WEEK 52! We've made it to the end of #AYearOfSmittenKitchen! I picked this recipe for this last week a while ago, knowing that we'd have beef tenderloin on Christmas Eve and these would go great with that. Well, they did. :)

(Here's the Smitten Kitchen post)

You'll need:
1 pound mushrooms (I used cremini, but white are fine too), halved if large
2 tablespoons capers, rinsed and chopped (this felt like a super weird addition to this dish, and I'm not a HUGE caper fan, so I totally skipped them)
3 large garlic cloves, minced
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 tablespoons butter, cut into cubes
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup chopped parsley

Toss the mushrooms, garlic, oil, and salt and pepper to taste in a baking dish.

Top with cubed butter. This is a super easy dish to prep ahead of time--I got it to this point and stuck it in my fridge, then roasted them at my parents' house later.

Roast at 450 degrees for 20 minutes. Toss with lemon juice and parsley. (tbh, the lemon juice was unnecessary--we couldn't taste it at all)

Preferably serve with a perfectly done red meat of your choice. ;)

Verdict: Perfect! I sauté mushrooms to have with steak a lot, but I liked these a lot, plus they kind of take care of themselves in the oven instead of taking up room on the stove. Everyone loved them!

And that's a wrap! Actually, there will be a real wrap-up post in the next few days, but thus ends the recipe-a-week year!

SK week 51 | Bar Nuts

These are actually "Union Square Cafe's Bar Nuts." It's in New York City, and it looks amazing. I made these for our annual Tuesday Night Dinner Christmas appetizer potluck. They were a perfect addition to a charcuterie board. :)

(Here's the Smitten Kitchen post)

You'll need:
3 2/3 cups unsalted mixed nuts (you can also do a nut/pretzel combo--see her post for details)
1 tablespoon butter, melted
2 tablespoons fresh rosemary, chopped
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 teaspoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon salt

Spread nuts on a tray and toast at 350 degrees for 10 minutes.

While they're toasting, mix together the melted butter, rosemary, cayenne, brown sugar, and salt in a large bowl.

Toss the toasted nuts into the rosemary mixture and mix until they're well coated. Return to the oven for 5-10 minutes more. Let cool a bit on the tray before moving them to a serving dish.

They can be served warm or room temperature. Preferably with lots of other yummy stuff or a fun cocktail. ;)

Verdict: These were great and so easy to make! There were a few leftover, and they didn't last long. :) She recommends serving them warm, but the warm ones I tested were still a little soft from the oven, which felt weird. But they got crunchy as they cooled, which I preferred. :) Enjoy!

On resurrection and the sacredness of grief

Unless you've been hibernating away from all social media, you've likely heard about Olive Heiligenthal, the two-year-old daughter of Bethel worship musician Kalley Heiligenthal and her husband Andrew. If not, just google her name and lots of articles will pop up. I hesitate to post one here because they are plentiful and written from all sides of the story. But the gist is that Olive died in her sleep on Saturday. She was taken to a hospital, pronounced dead by doctors, and taken to the coroner's office in their county in California. Kalley then posted that they were praying for a resurrection, and Bethel Church has been holding daily prayer and worship services, standing with Kalley and Andrew in their proclamation of life for their daughter.

Pause. That's a lot to take in. Perhaps like me, you originally thought that Olive was on life support after some sort of accident or illness and they were praying for her to wake up. But no. They are praying for something seemingly impossible.

And so started the myriad of thoughts from my little brain:

First, I was shocked to learn the extent of what they were asking for. Who believes that their dead child can actually rise from the dead?

Then I was ashamed that my faith seemed too small to believe in miracles. Do I believe God can do whatever He wants, including raising the dead? Of course. He's literally done it.

Then I was sad for those who should be grieving the incomprehensible loss of this sweet girl.

Then I was inspired by the faith of those who are truly expecting a miracle.

Then I was put off by the GoFundMe page set up for Heiligenthals that has raised over $43,000 of its $100,000 goal. (And I've gotta say--while I rotate through the above feelings, this one isn't going away. God bless the people who have been led to give, but it just feels a little off).

Then I was angry at what their boldness suggested to me (and others). That I did something wrong in not expecting my own miracle. That when the ultrasound tech said, "I'm sorry, your baby isn't alive anymore," I should have said, "Well, that's not up to you. God's got this," and refused induction, believing that God would breathe life into Hannah's body again.

Losing a child is completely devastating. It's shocking and terrifying and awful. But if there's anything we know about God and life and His plan, it's that death on this earth is not the end. And in our grief, that was the one thing that brought comfort. Hannah and Charlie didn't get to be a part of our family here, but what they're experiencing is so much better! Beyond what we can even imagine.

And the mourning can be crippling. It seems impossible that life will go on. But there's something sacred there too. Some place that only God can touch. Where He meets us and holds us and gives us life where there seems to be only death.

So, my thoughts about Olive will continue to whirl around. But I hold fast to the things I know to be true: That the God who is big enough to raise little girls from the dead is also big enough to hold my confusion and unsettledness and wondering. And that all will be made clear and right and whole one day.

SK week 50 | Almond-Vanilla Rice Pudding

I'll be honest, I'm not a huge rice pudding fan. But my mom is, and yesterday was her birthday. :) So I made it for her when we celebrated last week. And it's super easy, so if you ARE a fan, it's a great recipe for you!

(Here's the Smitten Kitchen post)

You'll need:
1/2 cup arborio rice
4 cups milk
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 vanilla bean, split, or 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 teaspoon almond extract

Combine the rice, milk, and sugar in a pan (and vanilla bean if you're using it). Bring to a gentle boil and reduce to a gentle simmer. Cook for 30-40 minutes, stirring occasionally.

It will start to thicken nicely as it cooks.

Once it's cooked, add the extracts and stir.

Divide into little ramekins and chill. (You can serve warm too). (Also, I did 1.5x the recipe--one batch will make four servings).

And enjoy! (Deb's photo because I forgot to take a final one) :)

Verdict: Everyone who likes rice pudding loved it. ;) I had a bite and it actually was good. I just like it a couple bites at a time, not a bowl at a time. :)

SK week 49 | Chicken Chili

I've had this chili on the back burner, no pun intended, all year. And I finally got to it. :) It's perfect if you want something different--my two go-to chili recipes are a classic beef crock pot chili and a paleo turkey chili (I'm not paleo--it just has a ton of veggies and no beans). Looking forward to adding this one to our rotation!

(Here's the Smitten Kitchen post)

You'll need:
(A note--I intended to do 1 1/2 times the recipe, because I knew I needed more than one batch, but I still wanted it to fit in my crock pot. But I had issues--see below. But that's why there are multiple things pictured here)
2 pounds boneless skinless chicken (Deb and I both used a combination of breasts and thighs)
1 onion, chopped small
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano
2 teaspoons salt
1-2 jalapenos (or other pepper of your choice, or just chili powder to taste)
1 28-ounce can fire-roasted crushed tomatoes (or two cans of rotel)
2 2/3 cups dry beans (I used a combination of black and pinto, which I really liked. Check out Deb's post for notes on beans, particularly if you use kidney)
5 1/3 cups water or broth, or a combination (I had turkey stock left from Thanksgiving, so I used that for the whole amount)

You guys, this recipe should have been the easiest thing in the world, but I was a hot mess. Follow along if you want to be a part of my little adventure. :)

Chop your onion and jalapeno. Forget the garlic until everything else is in the pot, and then mince that and add it.

Put your cans of tomatoes in your crock pot. Realize very quickly that you intended to 1.5x this recipe, and you have accidentally added MORE than twice the tomatoes called for. Maybe swear.

Chop up your chicken breasts. Later you'll realize that you need to add more chicken since you're now doubling the recipe, so go ahead and pull some chicken thighs out of your freezer so they can start to thaw.

Add everything to the pot and pray it fits. Swear when it doesn't. (This isn't even everything)

Pour into a bigger pot and breathe a sigh of relief. Add the rest of your broth, chicken, and anything else that needs to be increased to make this a true double batch. Then put this pot in your fridge because it's 8am and the stovetop directions don't take 10 hours.

Begin cooking at 2:00. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and cook for 2.5-3 hours, stirring occasionally. Toward the end, remove the chicken pieces, shred, and return to the pot. I found that the thighs were easier to shred right in the pot--just smush them right against the side. The breasts were less willing to let go. I did add a bit of chili powder toward the end as well.

Serve with whatever you want--cheese, sour cream, cilantro, green onions, and of course fritos.

For as crazy as this recipe ended up being, it was SO worth it. Everyone (we served it to our Tuesday night crew) loved it. This will definitely be a new go-to! It wasn't super spicy--I may add some cayenne next time, or just leave in some of the jalapeno seeds when I chop them. And for a single recipe, it would be a piece of cake--just throw it all in the crock pot and turn it on! Note, Deb does have instructions for stovetop, crock pot, and instant pot, so check out her post.

Enjoy! Perfect recipe for the winter!