Friday, October 07, 2005

Fun times

There's a chill in the air.
Students are actually concerned about grades.
The book fair has been successfully set up in the foyer.
Ah, yes, it must be conference time.

Our first of three nights of conferences was last night. I saw eleven parents in a span of five hours. It was almost painfully boring. I'm blaming the "Oh my gosh, it's winter" panic that many Minnesotans have the first time in the season the temperature drops below 40. Anyway, I had brought a book from home just in case things were slow.

After grading a number of papers and organizing next week's lessons, I decided to pull out the book. It was "Belly Laughs" by Jenny McCarthy (yes, THAT Jenny McCarthy). This is her very irreverent and somewhat profane, yet extremely hilarious take on pregnancy. I thought I would get a couple chapters read between chatting with my team English teacher. As it turns out, I read this book cover to cover in the time I was just sitting around last night. Sometimes I laughed out loud. Sometimes I was scared out of my mind. I must share some of this treasure with you...

From a chapter on Morning Sickness:
"Strangers gawked at me as they saw me gagging in Aisle 3 holding up some cheese. It's hard having these symptoms in public when you don't look pregnant. If I were nine months along they would look at me like "oh look, poor little pregnant lady doesn't feel so good." Instead they looked at me as if to say, "Don't bulimics puke AFTER they eat?"

Her chapter titles alone, although the most inappropriate part of the book, are worth making the trip to the library.

Title on cravings: "Can I Have a Mustard Sandwich with Pickles, Anchovies, Peanut Butter, and a Little Cottage Cheese?...Oh, and Throw a Few Fish Sticks on There!"

Title on hating skinny people: "Die, Model Bitch, Die."

As you can see, my night wasn't a total waste of time. Now I need to find more material for Monday and Wednesday nights next week. But if I prepare too much, Murphy's Law will punch me in the face and we'll have parents coming in back to back for the entire five hours.

Happy autumn, everyone. Have a beautiful weekend!

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