Sunday, September 02, 2012

Missing out

Once in a while, I am hit with how much of Hannah's life we are missing out on. Jack is downstairs cleaning his room right now and I just heard him say her name. And then I imagined how we'd be hearing her name if she were here. "Hannah just rolled over!" "Mom, Hannah needs a new diaper." "Hey, I think Hannah just woke up." She should have joined us in March, so she'd be about six months right now. We'd be starting solid food. We'd be making her laugh. She'd be blowing raspberries and developing a distinct personality.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing really well. And then sometimes I feel like this post happened a lifetime ago. I'm mad that I don't get to use her name to talk to her on a daily basis. And then my iTunes plays Steven Curtis Chapman's "Not Home Yet" and I remember that life on this earth is such a blip on the screen compared to what waits for us when we die.

But it still sucks sometimes.


annalise + andrew said...

Oh sweet friend. I still think of you and pray for you so often. Almost every time I look at my Baby Girl actually. Hannah is a very blessed girl to have you for a mom, and I hope that someday I get to see a glimpse of your reunion in heaven!

Becky said...

Hang in there, friend. Yes - it really does suck. All I can say is yes, yes, and yes. We miss them - we are happy to know where they are - we get mad - it sucks - God uses something to calm our hearts for the moment...repeat. Not always in this order - not at the same rate as it used to happen - but I often wonder if it will always be this way? I guess it would be wrong if we didn't love and miss them so much. Thanks for being a wonderful encouragement to me.