Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Grief graphs

I came across these graphs made by a fellow bereaved mother on Babycenter the other day, and I wanted to share them.

Most of us think of grief like the first graph. We assume that grief gradually decreases as time goes on.

But grief is really more like the second graph. The "peaks" of grief remain as intense, or almost as intense, while the "good times" get longer and the peaks of grief get shorter. 


This illustrates something that is so hard for me right now. I feel like so many people just want us to be all better. To be at the bottom of the first graph--where enough time has gone by, so our grief is not as intense. But we will never be all better. The second graph will go on forever. 

In the beginning, I described it as two steps forward, one step back. We're in this constant motion of slowly moving forward. But some days (or longer), it's two steps forward, two steps back, over and over again while we just stay in the same place. Sometimes we graduate to three steps forward, but there's always that one step back. I anticipate that in the future, we'll get to ten steps forward, one step back. And so on. Walking in this grief for the rest of our lives, learning how to heal, but never getting all better.

11 comments:

emilyhansen said...

So glad you shared this. Very helpful.

Tesha said...

This is so true I wish my all of my family and friends could read it! Thanks for sharing I would love if you linked it up on my blog for the bereaved mommies link-up!

Beth said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm only 6 months into this journey of babyloss and grief, but the second graph totally represents how I feel the rest of my life will be. Good times growing longer, but the grief, when it surges, never feeling less awful.

Elizabeth said...

http://heplerfamily.blogspot.com/2012/03/how-to-help-someone-grieve.html

I wrote an extremely similar post here....about 2 steps forward and 1 step back :)

Thanks for sharing your story.
Elizabeth

Tesha said...

Hi Erin I want to follow your blog but i can not find any way to do it? email me and let me know how or leave a comment on my blog teshapapik@yahoo.com

Jamie said...

Perfect!

Dany Kal said...

Erin this is so very true! Thank you for posting. Hugs

Lisa said...

I am just so sorry you are feeling pressure from anyone to be "all better", or that anyone is making you feel that "enough time has passed." Those people just totally, totally don't understand. I'm sorry you have to deal with THAT on top of the loss of Hannah.

Thinking of you all.

Becky said...

Thank you for posting this, Erin - it is definitely what I'm experiencing.

Becky said...

Do you mind if I share a link to this on my blog?

Erin Bennett said...

Not at all, Becky!